Intimate questions answered with
grace and confidence - Part five

SEXUAL ISSUES/CONCERNS FOR WOMEN WHO FEEL OVERWEIGHT

Q: I love my partner but my body Image and self confidence is killing our sex life. HELP!

First off, let me say that you’re not alone in feeling this way. So many people struggle with body image, and it can definitely spill over into your sex life. The good news is, you can start to rebuild your confidence and reconnect with your partner in ways that feel good and affirming.

Take a moment to reflect on what’s fueling your insecurities. Is it societal pressure, past experiences, or your own self-talk? Acknowledging what’s behind the feelings can help you start to challenge them.

Next, try to focus on what your body can do rather than how it looks. Your body is amazing—it carries you through life, allows you to connect with your partner, and deserves love and care for everything it does.

Communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to go into every detail if it’s hard, but sharing that you’re struggling with confidence can open the door to their support. Chances are, they see you in a much more loving and beautiful way than you might see yourself.

Ease back into intimacy by focusing on connection rather than performance. Start with small, non-sexual gestures like cuddling, holding hands, or even just spending time together talking. Building that closeness can help you feel more at ease and less self-conscious.

Shift your mindset about what makes you sexy. It’s not about a certain size or shape—it’s about confidence, connection, and feeling good in your own skin. Wear things that make you feel good, whether that’s lingerie, comfy pajamas, or even nothing at all!

If negative self-talk creeps in, try flipping it. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like, remind yourself of the things you do love about yourself—your smile, your laugh, your kindness, the way you make your partner feel loved.

Finally, consider talking to a therapist or joining a body-positive community. They can help you work through the deeper layers of body image struggles and find tools to rebuild your confidence.

You deserve to feel good about yourself and enjoy your relationship fully. You’ve got this!

Q:  Menopause, hormonal changes and low libido sucks.  How do I juggle all this to help our marriage.

Let me just say—you’re not alone in feeling this way. Menopause and hormonal changes can throw so much off balance, and it’s no wonder low libido feels like another hurdle. But the fact that you’re thinking about how to support your marriage is a big step. You can navigate this together, even if it feels hard right now.

Start by giving yourself some grace. Your body is going through a lot, and it’s okay to feel frustrated or out of sorts. These changes don’t define you or your relationship—they’re just part of this phase of life.

Communicate openly with your partner. Let them know what you’re experiencing, both physically and emotionally. You don’t have to have all the answers, but sharing what you’re going through can help them understand and create space for support. It’s about being a team.

Reframe intimacy—it doesn’t have to be all about sex. Focus on little ways to connect: cuddling, holding hands, kissing, or even spending time laughing together. These small gestures can rebuild emotional and physical closeness, which often helps libido naturally.

For the physical challenges, like dryness or discomfort, explore solutions like lubricants or vaginal moisturizers. If hormonal shifts are really impacting things, consider talking to a healthcare provider about options like hormone therapy or other treatments. Make sure they’re someone who understands your unique needs, especially as an overweight woman, so you feel heard and respected.

Take time to reconnect with yourself. Low libido can sometimes feel like you’ve “lost” part of yourself, but rediscovering what makes you feel good—through self-care, self-exploration, or even just dressing in ways that make you feel confident—can help bring that spark back.

Stress and exhaustion can make everything worse, so don’t forget to prioritize rest and stress-relief where you can. Little changes like walks, mindfulness, or even a nap can go a long way.

Most importantly, be patient with yourself and your relationship. You’re navigating a lot, but this phase doesn’t have to define your connection. It’s about finding new ways to keep the love and intimacy alive, even if it looks different than it did before.

Q:  My partner doesn't understand how I feel and how it controls the passion in the bedroom.  What needs to change?

I totally get how frustrating it can be when your partner doesn’t understand how you’re feeling—it’s like you’re carrying this heavy weight on your own, and it’s bound to affect the passion in your relationship. The good news is, this is something you can tackle together with a little patience and communication.

Start by talking to your partner when things are calm and you’re not in the middle of feeling upset or pressured. Say something like, “I love you, and I want us to feel close and connected, but I’ve been struggling with how I feel about myself, and it’s spilling over into our intimacy.” That way, they know it’s not about them—it’s about something you’re working through.

Be real about what’s bothering you. If it’s body image, self-confidence, or even physical stuff like discomfort, let them in on it. They might not fully understand what you’re going through, but giving them a clear idea helps them see it’s not about a lack of love or attraction—it’s something personal you’re dealing with.

Ask them to be part of the solution. Sometimes partners want to help but just don’t know how. Maybe you need more compliments, a slower pace, or just a little extra reassurance to feel desired and appreciated. It’s okay to say, “This is what I need from you to feel more connected.”

At the same time, try focusing on connection rather than just “passion.” Start small—cuddling, kissing, or just being close without the pressure of sex can help rebuild intimacy. Passion grows naturally when you feel emotionally safe and connected.

If having these conversations feels tricky, couples therapy can be super helpful. A therapist can help you both communicate better and give your partner tools to understand and support you in the way you need.

And don’t forget to take time for yourself, too. Building up your own confidence and self-love can make a huge difference in how you show up in the bedroom. Little steps, like wearing something you feel good in or taking time for self-care, can make a world of difference.

This isn’t about fixing everything overnight—it’s about working together and giving yourself some grace. 

To be continued on part six