Intimate questions answered with
grace and confidence - Part four

SEXUAL ISSUES/CONCERNS LGBTQIA2S+

Q: Navigating menopause changes is so challenging. HELP!

Menopause can be such a tough thing to navigate, and when you add LGBTQIA2S+ experiences into the mix, it can feel even more complicated. The good news? You’re not alone, and there are ways to manage these changes while staying true to yourself.

Menopause comes with all kinds of shifts—lower libido, dryness, mood swings, body changes—you name it. It’s a lot! But first, be kind to yourself. These changes are normal, and it’s okay to feel a little out of sorts while you adjust.

What you do next depends on what feels right for you. If you’re trans or nonbinary and these changes are triggering dysphoria, a healthcare provider who really gets it can help with things like hormone options or other ways to affirm your identity. If you’re in a same-gender relationship, talk openly with your partner about what’s going on and figure out how to support each other through it.

For dryness or discomfort, a good lubricant or vaginal moisturizer can make a world of difference. There are even estrogen creams and other treatments to consider if it’s a bigger issue—just be sure to find a queer-competent doctor to help guide you. If mood swings are hitting hard, things like self-care, mindfulness, or therapy can really help. And when it comes to libido, remember: intimacy isn’t all about performance. Take time to reconnect with yourself and your partner in ways that feel good, even if it’s just cuddling or exploring new ways to feel close.

And you don’t have to do this alone! There are LGBTQIA2S+ groups and communities out there where people are going through the same things. Talking to others who get it can be so comforting. Plus, finding queer-affirming healthcare providers can make all the difference—they’ll have your back and know how to support your unique needs.

Remember, menopause is a transition, not the end of the road. It’s okay to feel a little lost, but it’s also a chance to redefine intimacy, self-love, and what pleasure means to you.

Q: Advice needed for juggling desire and low libido in long term relationships.

Balancing desire and low libido in a long-term LGBTQIA2S+ relationship can be tricky, but it’s totally normal—and something you can work through together. It’s all about communication, patience, and a little creativity.

First, don’t stress too much about it. Desire and libido naturally go up and down, especially in long-term relationships. Life happens—stress, health stuff, routines—it all plays a part. The important thing is not to let it make you feel like something’s “wrong.”

Have an open, honest conversation with your partner, but keep it gentle and supportive. You could say something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed things feel a little different lately, and I’d love for us to figure this out together.” It’s way easier to tackle as a team than to let it feel like a solo struggle.

Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex. Try focusing on ways to feel close that aren’t about the bedroom—cuddling, deep conversations, or even just hanging out and laughing together. Sometimes, rebuilding that emotional connection naturally brings the physical side back into focus.

If things feel stale, mix it up! Trying something new—whether that’s toys, roleplay, or even just a new vibe like candles or music—can make a big difference. Keep it light and fun—this isn’t about pressure, it’s about exploring together.

If libido feels consistently low, think about what might be going on. Stress, meds, hormones, or even body image stuff can all play a role. Talking to an LGBTQIA2S+-affirming therapist or doctor could help figure out the root cause and give you some tools to work with.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself and your partner. Long-term relationships take work, and that’s okay. What matters is that you both care enough to try. If you want ideas for specific ways to spark things up or need to chat more, I’m here for you!

Q: How do I handle social stigma and isolation in today's complicated society? Thoughts? 

Dealing with social stigma and feeling isolated as part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community can be so tough, especially with how complicated things feel these days. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes.

It’s okay to feel hurt, frustrated, or even just plain tired of it all. These feelings are valid, and you don’t have to push them down or pretend everything’s fine. But try not to carry the weight of it alone. Lean on your people—whether that’s friends, chosen family, or online groups. Sometimes just talking to someone who gets it can make all the difference.

Find spaces that feel safe and affirming. Whether it’s a local LGBTQIA2S+ group, an online community, or even something fun like a Pride event, being around others who celebrate you can remind you you’re part of something bigger.

If isolation’s hitting hard, start small. Reach out to one person for a coffee, a chat, or even just a text exchange. Sometimes a little connection can help a lot. And don’t forget to take care of yourself—step away from social media or the news if it’s dragging you down, and spend time doing things that make you happy. Even binge-watching a show you love can be a form of self-care.

If the stigma and negativity feel too heavy, therapy with someone LGBTQIA2S+-affirming can really help. It’s a safe space to vent, process, and figure out ways to cope and stay confident in your identity.

And remember this—you just being you is powerful. Every time you show up as your authentic self, you’re making space for others to do the same. You don’t have to take on the world, but even the small things you do matter.

Q: I'm not feeling as sexy as I used to, I want the old me back. How do I change my self image?

It’s completely normal to go through phases where you don’t feel as sexy or confident. Life changes, bodies change, and sometimes self-image takes a hit. The good news? You can reconnect with that sexy, confident version of yourself—it’s still in there!

Start by figuring out what’s making you feel this way. Is it physical changes, stress, comparison to others, or something else? Pinpointing the root can help you take steps to address it.

Focus on what makes you feel good about yourself—not what anyone else thinks sexy should look like. Wear clothes that make you feel confident, whether that’s bold colors, something comfy, or outfits that show off your favorite features. Treat yourself to things like new underwear, accessories, or even just a haircut that feels fresh and empowering.

Move your body in ways that feel fun and energizing, not like a chore. Whether it’s dancing in your living room, yoga, or going for a walk, moving can help you reconnect with your body in a positive way.

Give yourself permission to embrace pleasure, whether it’s sexual or just enjoying life’s little moments. Take time to explore what feels good—reading, watching, or fantasizing about things that ignite that spark in you again.

Surround yourself with affirming voices. Follow LGBTQIA2S+ creators and communities that celebrate diverse bodies and identities. Seeing people embrace their own uniqueness can inspire you to do the same.

And be kind to yourself. Shift that inner voice from criticism to compassion. Instead of “I don’t look how I used to,” try “I’m evolving, and that’s beautiful.” Confidence isn’t about looking a certain way—it’s about loving who you are, right now.

If you’re still feeling stuck, consider working with a therapist or coach who gets it. They can help you build a more positive self-image and rediscover that confidence you’re craving.

You’ve got this, and that sexy, confident version of you is just waiting to shine through again. If you want ideas or even just a pep talk, I’m here for you!

To be continued on part five…